The Little Things

You know sometimes we just need a laugh. Sometimes we need to forget that life around us wants us to be so proper and serious and have a good laugh over a fart joke, or something equally as juvenile. With that in mind, and with the help of some jabs that I've learned listening to a lot of stand up comedy, we are going to focus on those aspects of our lives that we share. I hope you enjoy; it's Monday, I went back to work, and I decided that I needed to do the lighter side.

We all have moments in our lives that we have ALL experienced at some point but have decided are socially taboo or too embarrassing to admit to.

Some are just awkward crowd moments. A perfect example is the unsettling feeling you get when you know you might need to pass gas, and you're around people, that you don't know, or have never met. And while we're at it, why does the sudden urge to fart come over us only in heavily populated and intimate settings? I think the answer might be God's perfect humor and timing. The same situational comedy applies to an uncomfortable wedgie.

Or how about when you're in a crowded and loud party. Sometimes you have to scream to talk to the person next to you. Don't ever shout something intimate at a time like this. Because, like clockwork, the WHOLE PARTY will shut up at the moment you go to speak. Trust me.

Have you ever run into a wall? I mean run RIGHT into it? And I'm not talking about a wall in a narrow hallway that you're not familiar with in the dark. I'm talking about a wall in your own house. No you haven't? You. Are. Lying. We've all done that, and you're no better than us. Be sure to laugh at this, because it's so dumb you have to. By the way, this doesn't happen as frequently, but I can't count on one hand the number of times I have seen someone walk right into a sliding glass door thinking it was open. I also can't count on one hand the times I have laughed hysterically at them.

How about shooting milk or soda through your nose from laughing too hard?!? At times a bit too painful for the actual shooter to enjoy, but your friends will think you're riot. And if your friends are particularly evil, they'll wait for you to take in a big swig of Dr. Pepper to throw a funny zinger your way.

Have you ever completely forgotten what day it is? This can happen in a number of ways:

1. You wake up to go to work, shower, shave, dressed, pack a lunch, get into the car, take a quick look at your phone to make sure you're on time......and that's the moment you notice it says SAT or SUN in big letters on your phone screen. Damn.

2. You fall asleep for a late afternoon nap, and then you wake up after dark. This is kind of frightening, because it's almost like there's a layer of fog inside your house and you have no clue what day it is. "Have I slept until tomorrow night? Was I asleep for 30 minutes? Did anything important happen? Where am I? WHO am I? Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

3. You keep convincing yourself all day it's a different day. This has happened to plenty of us, mainly wishful thinking. It's Thursday but your brain keeps trying to play it out like Friday. And somehow on Friday you're not confused anymore. You just tried to have two Fridays in a row. Something is wrong.

Ever gone into a room and forgot what for? Ever went to the grocery, forgot your list, then suddenly can't even remember if you like white or wheat, regular or diet? Ever went to the fridge and couldn't remember if you needed ketchup, mayo, or carrots? Or if you were hungry or thirsty? We all have some form of forgetful early onset of Alzheimer's; it's just a matter of degree.

Have you ever had to sneeze while you were peeing and thought the WORLD was going to END?! Have you ever gotten a good hot shower and then immediately afterwards had to go to the bathroom and could only think that you had just wasted time and hot water.

Has an alarm clock given you the two most polarizing feelings?!? It has me. Very few things in this world stack up to waking up in the middle of the night, thinking it's time to get up, and realizing it's 1 am and you don't have to be awake for another 4 1/2 hours. Ahhh and the sleep after that never felt so good! Conversely, is there a crappier feeling than having a 5:30 am alarm and waking up at 5:28?!? It's like every minute of sleep you just had was robbed from you at gunpoint.

Have you ever been to a sporting event, ordered a $6 super extra jumbo king deluxe soda, gotten all the way back to your seat, and realized that gave you diet instead, or that the syrup on the machine had gone out and you basically got carbonated water, or there was a hole in the bottom of the cup and it's been leaking on you since you left the concession stand? All of the above make you consider violence for a split second.

There you have it, a jumbled, no order whatsoever kind of blog, but I find some of these experiences amusing. Sorry if this didn't strike your fancy; a comedian I am not. But I figure it was time to loosen up and attempt some fun. After all, it's Monday, and a little laugh never hurt anyone.

An Idiot Named Jonathan Questions God and Other Tales

I am going to start saying this prayer EVERY DAY: "Lord, give me the strength to be silent, and when they doesn't work please compel me to shut the HELL up when I question Your awesome. Amen."

For someone that tries desperately to follow Christ, to read God's Word and live by it, and to do well unto others, I do a real crap job of actually placing my trust completely in Him. I rationalize which in my experience is irrational when talking about a God that pulls off the impossible.

I had apprehension when I started attending a new church. "You're going to love it!" my then girlfriend and now wife told me. But I wasn't sure. I had seen over recent years certain qualities in organized religion that did not set well with me. I wasn't in a good place spiritually. I had seen money-hungry churches, judgmental churches, you name it. And I projected that without knowing a thing about the church. God told me to trust Him, that I was going to enjoy it and feel different. I went hesitantly yet convinced in my own head that this church would be no different and that God just didn't know how I felt about church. Wrong and wrong. And I have been with the church ever since, have felt the Spirit move through me in ways I hadn't before thanks to this church. I deeply love that church.

God 1 - Jonathan 0 (plus a great church home)

What?!?! You want me to tithe to that church, too?!?! God, for the love of You, we're broke! We've barely got money to cover the bills. What do you want me to do, turn off the cable?!? "Ummmm.....yeah."

Crap. OOOOOO-KKKKKKAAYYYY. I'm telling you I don't have the money, and when I give it up, life is gonna kind of suck. Just sayin'.

"What, Jonathan? I've got this."

And we started to give, and it did hurt at times, and our life grew spiritually. Then it happened. After only 6 months on my job, I went from a temp hire to a full time employee with benefits receiving a near 40% raise. What was I thinking? Jesus fed 5000 people with a handful of bread loves and some fish and I didn't think God could take some paper money and multiply it?! Dummy, dummy, dummy.

Call it fate, call it good work, call it karma, call it luck. I CALL IT GOD.

God 2 - Jonathan 0 (but with a promotion)

I started course on the New Testament and Revelation on iTunesU. At first I was excited, then the New Testament professor spoke to me through my Mac in a way that spelled certain doom for my learning.

"We will not be studying the Bible from a spiritual viewpoint but rather a historical and often times secular view."

Well, crap. There goes that lesson. And then the Spirit talked to me.

"Keep with it. You're going to learn something."

Not-uh, God.

"Yes you will. I'll bet your tithe on it."

God seriously bet his money on it. OOOOO-KKKKAAAAY God. And then I learned. A lot. In spite of the view. And it has strengthened my faith and made reading the Bible all the more fun, enjoyable, exciting, and learning an experience.

Ok this guy's good. God 3 - Jonathan 0 (Back to School Bible Bliss)

Finally the other day, I had the nerve, the gaul, the audacity to complain about the flu to God. In case you haven't gotten the point thus far, he's been alright to me. On my 28th birthday, I got the flu and felt terrible. Not cool.

"Of all days, I have to be sick on my birthday, God?!"

I didn't get a direct response, but from the point I uttered those words, the worship song "Mighty to Save" was in my head, and I went from looking like death eating a soda cracker to all better within 12 hours.

Final Score. God 4 - Jonathan 0 (plus a church, promotion, Bible wisdom, and health)

Ok, you've got my attention. No more doubting you.....until the next time. But the awesome thing about my God is that he will blow my mind again when I question him most and deserve it least.

Like I said, He's really good. ALWAYS.

Back to School

Over the past several days I have gone back to school, and if you had read my blogs previously you know that I am using iTunesU to study a course from Yale University on the New Testament. I've only made it halfway through the Gospels so far, and I am already seeing the benefits of going back to class. It keeps my brain sharp and alert, and I am learning things about my faith and my God that I hadn't caught the first time around, either theologically in my growth in the church or academically in my time at Western's Religious Studies department.

This experience has even challenged me to view the Bible in a way that at times has felt perverse: historically and at times even in a secular manner. Many would suggest that you simply can't derive anything from the Bible this way. There have even been some to suggest to me that it is "wrong", "sinful", or "blasphemous" to study the Bible in a context other than in worship and praise. These are the same people that told me it was a hell-worthy trespass to learn about other religions, to read the Qu'ran, to go to a synagogue, to visit a Hindu temple, to share a religious conversation with a person of another faith.

WRONG. ANSWER.

It challenges, it allows for deep introspection, careful scrutiny. You begin to ask the tough questions that you have been taught to think are wrong to even consider. You think that God gave you that inquisitive mind, that matter in your skull for looks? Believe me, if you attempt to process the information in the Bible, from all angles, through all lenses, this will not deconstruct your faith, but rather reinforce it.

I learned about the debate of where the Gospel of Mark is supposed to end (my money's on 16:8 for those keeping score), that Matthew "borrowed" a bit from Mark's Gospel, that most New Testament books may be inappropriately attributed to certain authors. With the roll that I'm on, I'm really looking forward to looking into Revelation. I've learned that it took a lot of committees and a lot of tough calls to decide on the 27 books of the New Testament. I've learned that there's a LOT more books out there to be read in the Apocrypha and other added texts.

There are gospels of Thomas and Judas that are thought-provoking even if it provokes thoughts in my Christian brain like "what the hell?" "what were they drinking?" and "did anyone ever actually believe that?" Acts as a book plays out and reads like a radical movement that you could have charged to show on Pay-Per-View.

And if you hated history class in school, let me tell you this. Digging into the history of biblical times can actually be kind of fun. I find it fun to learn about the times of the New Testament because I am passionate about the subject matter. Give a class like this a shot. You'll find learning more about your faith can be intoxicating. And if you do decide to give it a shot, please let me know. I've done a lot of shopping on iTunesU and would be glad to help. Furthermore if anyone wants to go through a class like this with someone I would love to share in that with you.

So on this journey, I have gone. I am looking at Matthew and Mark with different eyes now, and I now have new perspective. And I have so many more New Testament books to delve into, dissect, analyze, and ultimately scrutinize. And in each I will have more faith, more understanding, and more wisdom than before. God tells us to seek wisdom out; I'm just following orders.

I questioned if I would learn anything, to which the Spirit responded to me that he'd bet my tithe on it (fear not, church, God won the bet :-) I don't get everything that I hear in this class. Hell, I don't even believe everything I hear, but it is making me think. And though some would say you are to be a mindless drone in your faith, I'm pretty sure God gave me this brain so that I would use it.

Class dismissed

Jonathan, it's the Holy Spirit on Line 1

One fundamental construct of most denominations of Christianity that I have always had difficulty wrapping my brain around is the Holy Trinity, the idea that God is one and is three in one: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I thought "if the Holy Spirit is God, why doesn't the Father just talk to me and smack me in the head instead?" "If Jesus is God, who was he praying to in the garden at Gethsemane?"

At one point someone attempted to explain that the Trinity is like an apple. There is the core, the flesh, and the skin, each are apple but none are completely the apple and in and of themselves are the whole of the apple. Where the metaphor loses me is that the core, flesh, and skin are parts of the apple and not the whole apple whereas it has been explained to me that the Father, Son, and Spirit are wholly and completely God, not simply parts.

It's not additive, Father (1) + Son (1) + Spirit (1) = 3 but rather multiplicative: Father (1) x Son (1) x Spirit (1) = 1. Then I read an explanation which provided a lot more clarity. Even if it's a stretch, heck, it worked for me. Picture water. It exists in the natural world in three different states dependent on temperature, gas vapor, liquid water, and solid ice. Each are completely and totally water in one form of another; it's just that each have unique properties with unique and critical functions.

God, the Father, Creator, the Alpha and the Omega, the Almighty, the Great Judge, Abba, The Most High who created the heavens and earth and all that dwell in them. Lord of Lords

God, the Son, Jesus, Wonderful, Counselor, the holy Messiah who redeemed the people of God's sins by sacrificing of himself, bringing God's people out of the darkness, uniting them once again with the Father and reserving their place before the throne in Heaven.

God, the Spirit, who is God dwelling within us, giving conviction of sin, comforting us, growing us in Christ, and speaking to us, giving love, peace, understanding, and inspiration.

The latter has been moving in me a little more often than I had previously felt (or more likely, than I had previously noticed). And it probably helps that my understanding of the Spirit has grown as well. Previously I thought that God was speaking to me through the Spirit only if I was holding snakes, speaking in Mandarin, or flailing my arms like I was seizing.

But it's not always that way. Sometimes it is just the "gut feeling". Sometimes it is a voice of reason in your head that won't go away. Sometimes it is the chills that move over you when singing during worship. The clarity of thought when reading Scripture. Or the sense that you should, no, must do something.

It has moved me to help with our church youth, to reach out, to volunteer hours when I was "tired", to juice fast with my wife in support when I was "hungry", to give when I thought I couldn't. And the experience has blown me away.

Want my advice on a way to feel a better and closer connection to God? A way to know the love and compassion the Father had when he sent His Son? To know Jesus, His love, His mercy, and His sacrifice? Let the Great Communicator tell you all about it. God has put His moral compass inside of you. It is one of His greatest gifts. Listen to your gut. God's in there, waiting to be heard.

Time to listen. Pick up on line 1.

Bowers for President

Enough horsing around, guys. It's time to get serious. I have a family now, a wife and stepson to provide for and take care of. One day we hope to grow our family which is some added responsibility. True I did recently get a promotion and that's all grand, but I want my family to truly live comfortably in a wonderful home with beautiful things, people waiting on them hand and foot, and all the luxuries of life

However, in order to do this, I've got to stop being one of these hard-working Americans and give politics a shot. It's a much cushier lifestyle to be the one governing and taxing people. They have brain trusts to provide them ideas, budgets to provide them Armani suits, lobbyists to provide them money (and ads, and ideas, and political views), and taxpayers to provide them a salary and pension. Sounds like my kind of gig.

So with that, it's official. I'm declaring myself as a candidate for the United States Presidency. Bowers 2020. Yeah I gotta wait until I'm over 35; I'm gonna be President but I'm not so awesome that I'm gonna be one of those Amendment to the Constitution game changers.

But 2020 is my year! I have carefully studied a list of seemingly unwritten prerequisites for this gig down, so I think this one's in the bag. Here's the checklist:

You have to be male. 1 for 1.

You have to be married. 2 for 2. Only James Buchanan wasn't and a Civil War broke out after he was in office. I don't know what you might infer from that but it is part of the equation. It also doesn't hurt if your wife is good-looking. Check. And check.

You have to be rich. Occasionally filthy rich. Crap. But on second thought there may be hope. A couple of Presidents were actually born poor and the last one Herbert Hoover was President during the beginning of the Great Depression. Being as how our economy has gone down the Johnny Flusher, I might be able to play this angle. We're still in there with a chance.

By 2020, it is estimated that almost 20% of the U.S. population will be Hispanic. You say "Yes we can", Barack? I say "Si, nosotros podemos!"

It helps to have a military or law background. My dad was in the army so I was born an army brat. And I took a law class one time. Close enough.

You have to like golf. The Bushes did, Clinton did, Ford did. I can roll with that.

You have to be an idealist. People get confused about this one, and that is their downfall. Look at Obama. He had ideas on how to correct the wrongs of government. Wrong position. You have to have ideas, Barack, just ideas. Not solutions. Solutions are dangerous; they can fail. Take a stance; talk about the issues. But for goodness sake don't discuss solving them.

Believe in aliens. Jimmy Carter did. Ronald Reagan did. And to hear Republicans talk, Ronald Reagan is a god. In other words, outright insanity is perfectly acceptable. I don't consider myself insane, but I can play a part and throw a couple of Area 51 references into my campaign slogan.

You have to give people hope. If I've noticed one thing it's that Democrats wanted things to be different than in the Bush years and Republicans are praying for something different than Obama. I will instead focus on copying every move of Bill Clinton's presidency. Well except the Monica Lewinsky one. His time in office seems to be something people can agree on. I've been trying to find someone that thought Bill wasn't a good President; hasn't happened yet.

There's the road map. All I need is a campaign bus, a swell tie, and some smooth talking and I'm on my way.

Can I count on your vote?

My people kinda rock

In case you didn't know, my people are kind of a big deal. Let's meet the starting lineup.

Name: Sara Murphy-Bowers

Occupation: Marriage and Family Therapist

Favorite things: Big Bang Theory, House, Yoga Pants

Interests include: Blogging, Pinterest, Crafts, Juicing, Crafts, Exercise, crafts, and craft ideas from Pinterest

Name: Evan Leftwich

Occupation: 5-year old bundle of awesome, Emperor: Quail Ridge Children's Center

Favorite things: Action figures, Star Wars, Stuffed Animals

Interests include: reading Berenstain Bears, Shaving cream painting, lining up action figure men, racing action figure men, fighting action figure men, action figures playing football, and other activities involving action figure men

Name: Jonathan Bowers

Occupation: Enablement Lead, ServiceSource

Favorite things: sports, religious studies, Big Bang Theory, the original nintendo NES, and the two people listed above

Interests include: OCD laundry duty, church volunteering, iTunesU classes for maximum nerd power, and whatever the two people listed above are up to.

We're a formidable bunch.

She's a mean cook and juices like a champ. She will take on any craft project you can throw her way and can be hilarious!

He can create any fight, war, game, or race in recorded history with his action figures and will belt out a tune without shying away just because there's an audience.

And me? Well I will take the Pepsi challenge against others with the power of my dorkiness and awesome. I'm my wife's personal calculator and I know senseless trivia like a champ. For reals, if I get onto Millionaire or Cash Cab we're retiring.

Look I know I've got it good. Just look at my sports addiction. Aside from her overwhelming awesome, when I need two hours to just be a guy and watch Chelsea play Saturday morning, my wife encourages it.

As for the 5-year old bundle of awesome.........

.........well he's a Chelsea fan too.

So now you know to be on the lookout for us. Undeniably cool while at the same time bringing dorky back. We're kind of a big deal.

Post-Education Education 101

Well, I've been out of college for a while now, and since I am a dorky and borderline sick individual, I have found myself missing learning. Don't worry, I have a doctor's appointment next month; I'll be sure that a psych eval is part of the checkup. But seriously, I've always had such an insatiable desire to learn more that suddenly going into the workforce and repeating a function is not stimulating enough for me. So one of my new year's resolutions is to experiment with self-teaching. I've got a number of areas to target.

1. Religion

I have said that I was going to do this a hundred freaking times now and this year I'M GONNA DO IT. I was amazed at what I learned in a Religions of Asia course I took at Western (Dr. Samuels, wherever you are, your class was kind of bitchin'). We learned about the Quran, the prophet Mohammad, the perversion of the Muslim faith by biased (and borderline racist) media outlets suggesting bin Laden embodied Islam. There was a quarter devoted to the four noble truths, the eightfold path and the Buddha. Then we threw in the Vedas, Bhagavad Gita, and the sacrificial Purusha Prajapati of Hindu culture.

There are some that would suggest that I compromised my faith in taking this course. I actually had people tell me I had sinned against God for opening another faith's religious text. I assure you that neither happened, and in fact, I came out on the other side more appreciative of Christianity, stronger in my faith, and more understanding and loving to those of other faiths. This process makes me a BETTER PERSON. And I'm back for round two.

2. Finance/Economics

I think I threw up a little bit when I typed that. I HATE economics. HATE. I'm using the word HATE to describe my feeling towards economics. I can keep up with a bank account and balance a checkbook, but whenever I've had a financial question, I've turned to my dad, the finance guru of the family. But as much as I love to rely on his acumen, it's time I became a big boy and did this stuff myself. I'm married now, I have a family, the man's supposed to do this stuff and be good at it. So 401k, stock options, portfolio building here I come, albeit reluctantly......and with extreme nausea.

3. Astronomy

I LOVED astronomy as a small child, or at least the idea of it. Outer space, the vastness of the universe, and the hope that if I learned it well enough I could use a light saber, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi, and defeat Darth Vader. When I was in the first grade I would scribble the solar system on sheets of paper and hand them out to the rest of the class as study guides. I even put care into placing the big red spot on Jupiter. I had them drawn out, the sun and the nine planets orbiting them. That's right....NINE. I don't give a crap what they say, Pluto is a planet, dammit! And I'm going back to astronomy class by myself to debunk the 8 planet solar system if it's the last thing I do. So there you have my motivation; astronomy was my childhood ambition and I'm sticking up for the little forgotten planet.

4. P.E.

I don't want to learn 10,000 nutrition facts and recite vitamins and their function. I don't want to go back to middle school gym and do jumping jacks (although I do want to play dodgeball Billy Madison style). None of that is really what I'm talking about. I just REALLY need to get my occasionally lazy ass up and moving. My wife is incredible with hitting the gym for cardio and yoga. I admire her for that, but it's time to stop admiring and time to start imitating.

I want all of these to represent growth spurts of the mind, spirit, and body. A mental and physical exercise to keep sharp, aware, and always growing. I pride myself on trying to broaden my horizons, and these are some exciting steps towards that goal.

So there ya go. Four academic quarters in the year. Four courses. Tomorrow: lesson one. Class is back in session.

Growth in Language

A popular comedian once said that language will always give away a person's ultimate knowledge and motive. One of the growth spurts I've seen is the evolution of vocabulary and language as we mature. Some of this evolution personally has often come out in cynical quips where I suggest that the whole world is just collectively taking a shit.....totally unfair mind you, and I'm working on that.

The definition of words and phrases change with time.

If you made a bad grade on your report card, lost your backpack, or God forbid stayed out past your curfew, you were going to be in "trouble". Then adult trouble comes and makes that look trivial. Then as I grew spiritually I learned that even the adult "trouble" is of little consequence and my God far too strong and loving for it. This is a lesson that I have done a real crap job of learning, but once again I'm working on that.

The letter "A" stood for a good grade in grade school, the letter "B" stood for the same in high school, and the letter "C" took on the meaning of "Thank the Lord Almighty" in college. Now the letter "E" for employed means "Thank the Lord Almighty". But then I grade and criticize if I'm earning and moving up quickly enough. Those are things that take time and patience, traits I've learned I naturally have in short supply. But I'm working on that.

Love's meaning has changed. I have "loved" vanilla ice cream, pizza, my teenage mutant ninja turtles action figures, my parents. Then I found a God's love, unconditional and pure. I found my wife's love, true, deep, honest love. I fall short of deserving God's love and try to match my wife's love; I'm not always perfect, but I'm always working on it.

For years in my growth spurts I have "loved" some phrases. "It's story time", "It's pizza night", "Snowbird said school is out today", "You got an A", "You got a raise", "You graduated." But I tell you now that they all sound so amazingly insignificant to me now.

Because now there is a 5 year old child in my life that loves me, likes me, laughs with me, because he genuinely thinks I'm a pretty cool dude. Because I've heard a child's love in a phrase. A phrase that when I hear brightens my day, no matter what is going on. The rest of the world shuts up, slows down, and I am content and smile. To be moved and understand the power in that simple phrase, that is a lesson I don't have to work on. That one I get.

"I wanna sit by Jonathan!" he exclaims. Sweet music to my ears. So simple, yet so full of love.

Thanks, Evan. I wanna sit by you too, buddy.